


I Don't Have A Metal Heart (Not Anymore)

by MxVampirePunk



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, captain america: civil war - Fandom
Genre: And someone should tell him he matters, And that he shouldn't give up, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Hurt Tony Stark, I have no idea. I just wrote this instead of the next chapter of the Heart and Stars fic, I wanted to do a ship but I don't know which RIP, Look I just need some love OK, Maybe angst, Nobody treats Tony like a person, Not a Bucky Hate fic, Open Ending, Possible Character Death, The Bunker scene, Tony Stark-centric, Tony needs more love, Tony's a human godammit, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 12:19:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxVampirePunk/pseuds/MxVampirePunk
Summary: Thoughts from Tony in the Bunker scene, after everyone has left and his suit is dead.





	I Don't Have A Metal Heart (Not Anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do ship angst but this happened instead.
> 
> I did this instead of another chapter for [Heart and Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14704491)
> 
> I was listening to [Nightcore - Human (Male)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0U0zd8IKpI&t=14s) and [Tsumi no Namae (The Name of the Sin) english](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAzdb_1NxQM) on repeat while doing this so like, blame themmmm. ([Nightcore - You Can Be King Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAP1fT7L9vU) was an after inspiration but stillllll
> 
>  
> 
> [Thanks to my Proofer! Check her out, she is an amazing bean!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andfinallywearehome/pseuds/andfinallywearehome)

Ever since Anthony Edward Stark was born, his life was  shoved under a microscope and into  a large unforgiving spotlight. His success and failures were on full show to the public. He cried too much? Failure. He took to walking slower than an average child? Failure. Couldn’t keep quiet at public events? Failure. Even though he was barely a child, the  public eye was on him. So Tony learnt how to act; he learnt which smile to send the camera and which one to send to his parents. As he got older, he also learnt how  _not_ to succeed **too much** _,_ how to take up the spotlight  _just so_ . How to let his dad see he wasn’t an idiot, wasn’t a threat to him? A success. How to astound the media without giving away he was a kid, a teen, an adult? A success. How he could be a Stark without being a Tony...

 

But he was only human.

 

People forgot about that. He was Tony Fucking Stark, Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist, Futurist, Earth’s Greatest Defender, Superhero, The Mechanic, The Consultant, Tin Can, Metal Man, Douchebag, Old Man, Mad Scientist, The Merchant of Death. The list went on. He knew how to play to their strings, and dance to their tune, and **before** \- Not when his parents died, that time he was still attached to strings, unable to grieve properly. But **before** the Avengers… when he was just Iron Man, on top everything else,  and he was slowly getting his bearings as the new him, again. Not too much sass, not too much trauma. He kept his image without falling back into his unhealthy habits; well, his more playboy traits… the fake ones that the media was so focused on. **After** , when he was part of a _team._ _ **A**_ **fter** getting that report from _Natalie_ , he realised yet again how much people didn’t know him, and it was hard, to be two and the same. So he let his habits rise up protectively and once- it had been disappointing when even a super spy couldn’t see past them. Maybe he was _too_ _good_ , too good that even he himself forgot which as which and where the line was. As everyone around him acted the same, the eye rolls, and the jabs, and the ignorance, he was lured to the point he couldn’t be anyone other than Tony Fucking Stark.

 

But he was only human.

 

He sometimes forgot about that, and he only could take some much before he…broke…

He always knew his armour was going to be his coffin. The earth  below, or was it above,  was too cold, everything was too  _cold_ , but that was okay. It made the pain in his heart numb. Maybe it wasn’t bad to die like this.  It was more peaceful that all his other knocking-on-deaths-door moments.  After the hypothermia  had set in, and his limbs had gone from painful and stiff to heavy and numb, it was bearable.  This time it seemed like the door was opening .  It was m ore bearable than it had been in years.

 

But he was only human.

 

Perhaps he was wrong. He was wrong a lot of the time these days, these past years, and it didn’t help that the world was spinning too much to get his thoughts in order. He felt a sudden need to laugh.  It started in his chest, pressing on his broken ribs. After everything, it was the iconic hero his dad had measured him against that was the one who pull ed the trigger. Well,  the red, white and blue didn’t pull a  trigger, more like bring the shield down.  _The axe_ . Cut the final cord. His chest  shook with the need to laugh, but he wheezed painfully into the cold air. He couldn't bring himself to hate them. Maybe he would have.  But now he was so tried, so numb and cold, hate didn’t seem like the right emotion to bare now. He  just…  **pitied** them really. They were- Rogers was so caught up in the past that he couldn’t ever be part of the future. And… B-  _The other one_ was another case. Lying on the cold floor, with snow falling outside, and the long silent air making the tips of his body  raw , and the concrete ceiling taking up  all of his sight, Tony could admit maybe he rushed it.  That he was the mistake.

 

But he was only human.

 

He didn’t want to kill them. He just wanted th- him to hurt as much as he did… Maybe if Rogers hadn’t gotten involved, they could have punched it out and be done. He could  have left to lick at his wounds and tend to his wounded…God, Rhodey, he couldn't- Pepper was going to be so pissed- The laugh bubbled out through his blue lips to die in the air before he  knew . And  _Peter_ … the kid was going to be so… worried… Tony tired to frown but his face wouldn’t cooperate. He wanted more time with the kid; there was so much he still wanted to tell Peter, and so much Peter could learn. He hoped they wouldn’t get killed without him there. His lips wobbled against the numbness.

Maybe they were better off. He had been told he was usually the cause for people’s death… maybe it would save them the effort and hassle.

 

But he was only human.

 

He couldn't help but want to live, just for them. Not that he could do anything about it while he laid there, abandoned. Not while the edges of his vision darkened until he couldn’t work out if his eyes had slipped closed or if he just couldn’t see any more. The small flame that had hope, that still fought even as he grieved, was fading just as fast as his trust for Rogers had. His thoughts rolled to a snail’s pace, and he stopped struggling against the tiredness that held him tightly. His last thought before his grip slipped and his flame flickered out, was at least the pain couldn’t follow him into slumber.

 

And maybe it was imagination, but as he was drowning, he thought he heard  a distance crunching of snow, in time with footsteps.  Of course, that  could be the hypothermia talking...

**Author's Note:**

> RIP. ME.
> 
> I am fueled by tears, give me them, I shall take them as sacrifice!
> 
> EDIT: [I get like... Tony feels though](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzFtbowbTLc) Or is it something else??? Agree/disagree?
> 
> I am feeling the mental health drop so man, I have no idea if I'm going to be able to update the other fic in a week, for those of you that have come from there. Very sorry!


End file.
